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  • Andy Ross

Resolutions and Wishes for 2023


Once again a new year is upon us and like so many others I have decided to make a list of resolutions. Will I keep to these? Probably not, but I figured if I write them down and print them for all the world to see it may make me a little more likely to not break any of these. Also, for fun, I’ve added some of my hopes for the world in 2023. Here we go!


Stop watching so many old episodes of “Press Your Luck” on YouTube (Will immediately break this as soon as I finish writing this).


Apply for a grant to get funding for my study into convincing McDonald’s to bring back The McDLT (My one true goal in life, the cold side stays cold, and the hot side stays hot. Why did we reject this as a people?).


I hope that we can all come together as one, stand in harmony, and sing a heartfelt rendition of “All I want for Christmas is You” in the middle of April—the most unexpected time.


I hope in the coming year we can finally determine if kale is the superfood that will save us all, or if it’s just merely “fancy spinach.”


I wish that this coming year the city will finally approve my grant to build a giant statue of Alex Trebek in the heart of downtown. When asked why I wanted to do this, I simply told them “the children of the world.”


I pray, with all my heart, that in 2023 science will finally answer the most pressing question Earth has ever faced. How many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop?


Vow to take better care of my body, eat right, and get more exercise (Plans to celebrate my birthday with a sackful of Krystals, driving down the interstate at midnight, blasting Molly Hatchet).


I hope those jerks who keep calling me to sell me insurance and medicare will stop calling my house every five minutes this year.


I hope we can normalize that sometimes you want to feel like you’re leaving your mark before you die. Why is it so weird I want Ballad to build the Andy Ross Memorial Radiology Ward while I’m still alive? Seriously? Why is that weird?


This wraps up my hopes and resolutions for 2023, here’s wishing you and yours a happy and healthy new year! See you next week.



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